When the fuck did I become an old man?

Recently something smacked me in the face so hard as to knock me into next week. Yup that’s right… fucking time travel, motherfuckers. Only this isn’t the nice kind of time travel where Doc Brown and a mongrel of questionable origin is awaiting you with a nice warm amplifier. This is the kind of time travel which makes reality movies about the collapse of civilisation look like a fucking cartoon. This is getting old(er)

So, as I was saying about the knocking and next week. It’s next week, and I’m old.

  • Things are too loud
      Yes, this is even though I wake up deaf with bad sinuses every morning.
  • Bright lights are too bright. Someone turn off the fucking sun – vampire? Maybe.
  • Alcohol sometimes works too well… Upside is a cheap date, or more then likely ‘night in’, as it hurts to go out…
  • All I want is for a nice quiet, dim, and peaceful pub to crawl into.
  • Oh, look… I blinked and it’s next fucking year.
  • My body has now altered it’s default setting to ‘ache like a bitch’ (Sorry if this offends all you bitches – not really.)
  • Music. I’m beginning to think of classical orchestral music as ‘super classic’ and 80s rock’n’pop as classical.
  • Clubs. What the fuck are clubs apart from dark, noisy, and hostile environments where the young get off their faces?
  • When the fuck did women start dressing in a pair of tights and some cling film to go out on the town – come on women – leave something to the imagination – I don’t wanna see your thinly veiled minge, even when drunk off half a pint of lager at four in the afternoon. Go put some fucking clothes on.
  • I realised my parents were fucking retards, nasty fucking dribbling retards with as much as an idea of reality as the most retarded of my cats – you know, the one which licks anyfuckingthing.
  • It doesn’t require alcohol to wake up (Yet again?) with a hangover.
  • People in their 30’s are referred to as kids.
  • I’ve forgotten twice as much as I currently know.

So getting older. In my imagination I can see a bold figure clawing away at the walls of life itself, whilst being dragged kicking and screaming into the eternal darkness, all the time screaming like something more wild than wild. Reality: Everything fucking hurts.

You know the worst part? I’m not evening fucking 45 yet, and I might have the best part of another 40 years doing this shite. Still, I’m a cheap date now, and by the time I’m much older I’ll be able to get off on a whiff of perfume 😉

Oh, and you people in your 20’s and 30’s reading this – you’ll all think that this will never be you. HaHa!

Review: Beaum Vape

imageOne word: AWESOME.

It’s not often that I’m inspired to go out and write a positive review for a retail store, however in this case, I’m not only inspired but actually compelled to do so. I’m new to vaping, this is only my fourth week in to my vaping journey, and a week ago, thanks to Beaum Vape, it changed massively for the better.

I’ve been in a few Vape Shops, but they’ve been staffed by kids, lax kids who couldn’t give a shit, sat behind a counter, wearing shell suits and backwards baseball caps, not paying attention, and generally not giving a shit – I was really put off going into the stores; however Beaum Vape was recommended to me by a few people, so I decided to give it a try. Completely the right choice, and something I’m so glad I did!

Beaum Vape will make you feel welcome. The retail environment is perfect for the subject and products. Beaum Vape will go out of their way to ensure you get the best possible products and service, and are passionate about it. It’s not often when you can walk into a place and be guided by people who actually know what they’re talking about, but this is one of those places. If you’re new or experienced, Beaum Vape will make you feel welcome, and enhance your vaping experience.

You can try a mind blowing range of different e-liquids, and get an amazing experience. The prices are awesome, often beating the online retailers for the same products. What is amazing is the personal service provided, nothing is too much trouble for the staff who go out of their way to ensure you’re taken care of to the best possible standards.

They also don’t let kids into their shop – this is important, and one of the many points which distinguish them, and put Beaum Vape, head and shoulders above others in the same retail environment.

They recommended a combo of the Asmodus – Ohmsmium mod with the Aspire Cleito tank, which has upped the vaping game for me, and I honestly think at this point in time, it’s to a standard which will be extremely hard to beat. The e-liquids on offer are all vetted by the staff, and smoothness isn’t even a consideration – you just know that anything in store is going to be silk dynamite.

In summary – if you’re in the South Wales area, or anywhere within travel distance, and you want to improve your vaping experience, go visit Beaum Vape. Go visit their website, they also trade online. In the physical world, you can find them in Ivor House, Bridge Street, Cardiff, CF10 2TH. I’ve added a perma-link to their website on Spabbit 🙂

Vaping – 4 Week update

imageAs per my original thread regarding Vaping, this is my four week update!

It’s working. I’m snacking significantly less, and my weight is maintained. My health actually seems to be improving – I’m running up and down stairs like they don’t exist (Mind, I was panting the other day, when I carried 60lbs when running up stairs lol), and my initial cough has vanished.

I’ve tried lots of different e-liquids, and have discovered that like cigarettes, they vary greatly, in terms of flavour, nicotine content, and smoothness. One liquid I did try, My Man, was like trying to smoke razor blades – wow – nasty – made me cough my lungs up (Great flavour though); however the vast majority have been awesome.

As per the picture, I also upgraded in terms of mod and tank, going for the Asmodus – Ohmsmium with the Aspire Cleito tank. Wow. The combination blew my mind – an incredible difference, and one which I couldn’t have imagined – so much better. I think the combination of the upgraded mod, better tank, and a smooth e-liquid has firmly brought vaping home to me.

So, for the four weekly update in my vaping journey – It hasn’t done me any perceptible harm, and on the flip side, I’m greatly enjoying it, am still discovering how awesome it is, and my health is improving. #win 🙂

I have to give a massive thank you to Beaum Vape, who recommended the upgrades and guided me to a better experience. I’ll also post a separate reviewfor Beaum Vape…

Further info regarding #vaping, Popcorn Lung & safety.

IMG_4261Following on from my previous post Cloud shaped diet-aid… #vape Where I stated an awareness of a condition called Popcorn Lung, and its dangers. Well, I decided to do a little digging, and went ahead to contact the vendors and manufacturers of various e-liquids I’ve seen available for sale, and query the presence of the chemical responsible, diacetyl.

Here are a couple of my findings / thoughts:

Most of the e-liquids I looked into do not contain diacetyl, however it is always best to query before purchase.

The standards of the professional producers are amazing, the industry is really working well to give us the best possible products.

Only purchase e-liquids from a known professional supplier.

The companies which I’ve purchased from have confirmed, as below, that their liquids are wholly or in part diacetyl free.

From vapour.co.ukThey replied that some of their liquids contain diacetyl, but many are clear…

from: Vapour UK Support <support@vapour.co.uk> via helpscout.net
date: Mon, Jun 27, 2016
subject: Re: Contact Form
mailed-by: helpscout.net
signed-by: helpscout.net

Some of the eliquids we stock do contain diacetyl, however we also stock eliquids that do not. The best thing to is check the descriptions on the product pages, most of them say whether or not they contain any diacetyl.

Failing that I have put together some links below, that contain none and therefore are fine to vape if you are worried about diacetyl inhalation or popcorn lung.

Black Note


Ripe Vapes


Generals Juices

And from vapouriz.comAll of their E-Liquids are clear (And a really nice response from their support)…

from: Support <support@vapouriz.com> via freshdesk.com
reply-to: Support <support@vapouriz.com>
date: Mon, Jun 27, 2016
subject: Re: Offline message
mailed-by: email.freshdesk.com
signed-by: freshdesk.com


Thank you for getting in touch about this.

I am pleased to confirm that we go to extra lengths to prevent chemicals such as Diacetyl from entering our products.

We cannot provide the details of the exact ingredients in our flavours for obvious reasons, mainly being this is our IP. However, one thing we will be offering in the near future, is Certificates of Analysis for every liquid (and available on our website for all to see) which will show the absence of chemicals such as Diacetyl (and other ketones) or Acetoin etc – which are prohibited in our formulations.

I can give you my personal assurance, we have a strict policy in regards to our formulations and manufacturing process and work in accordance to PAS 54115 guidelines (https://ecita.org.uk/ecita-blog/summary-british-standards-institute-pas-54115)

I hope this helps!


Please do not hesitate to contact either myself, or another member of the customer service team should you require further assistance.

It’s also interesting to note that Vapouriz.co.uk are also online as Vapestore.co.uk & Vapourlabs.co.uk

I did go one step further with some of the liquids from vapour.co.uk, and chased up with the individual manufacturing outfit, and was pleasantly surprised of the standards they keep.

Premium Labs produce, among others, the Decoded range of liquids – which are great, their lab report for the range is here, and clearly states the lack of the chemicals which cause Popcorn Lung.

For a further list of professional suppliers (In the UK at least), check out The Electronic Cigarette Industry Trade Association – ECITA.

Also see this documentary from the BBC:

Cloud shaped diet-aid… #vape

IMG_4261Well… I lost five stone last year, and have managed to maintain my new shape for six months; however the temptations of the snacking kind are strong, and I am weak.

Bring on the #vape. I decided, after doing some internet, and documentary based ‘research’ to start vaping. The current best of research, and limited experiments state that there are virtually no down-sides to vaping, where as the upside for me is that when I vape, I don’t snack. So far, I’d estimate, that the vaping has reduced my snacking a good 70% – so that’s 70% less calories I’m absorbing via the snacks! There is also limited evidence that nicotine reduces appetite, and that in the past people have taken up smoking to control appetite. Now whilst I don’t believe / accept blindly everything I read – I decided to chance it and go for it anyhow.

So far, after just over a week, the only adverse affect is that I have a slightly dry throat leading to a minor dry cough; and from what I’ve read – this is normal – I’ll have to balance out the variables – drinking more (I’m like a camel, and don’t often drink much between getting up and around 13:00 daily), playing with the wattage of the device to alter the temperature of the vape, the VG content of the e-liquids (I’m aiming for 75-80%), and the drawing speed. I’m confident that as time passes, and my body gets used to this new sensation, and the variables are balanced, that this will pass. The reading I’ve been doing seems to confirm this – however I’ll have to wait for my sample of one to bear results 🙂

Classically I don’t have an addiction to nicotine, and have, in the past, been able to start and stop smoking at will – going from 0 to Camels via Marlboro Red and back in no time at all. It has been around 7-8 years since I was smoking on a regular basis.

More importantly, this new crutch / snacking substitute is enjoyable. I’ve been purchasing some e-liquids from vapour.co.uk, and have been impressed with the flavours and varieties to hand. I’m aware of the potential impact of “Popcorn lung” from these e-liquids, however the original study which was carried out was in relation to the ingredient diacetyl, which is a food flavouring often used in the manufacture of popcorn. I’m trusting that in using a professional supplier for my e-liquids I’m somewhat shielded from this chemical. This article from mic.com explains about it.

The device I chose is the VPark Box 30w, a cute little device which is ideal for me, not so much for a person looking to switch from smoking to vaping, due to the small battery (1000mAh). It comes with the VPark MAX Tank MINI, and even set as low as 18w produces a sensation akin to smoking, with the effect of a large could of vapour. I got mine from vapouriz.co.uk for £37, including a sample bottle of e-liquid – a fair priced deal, and I’m happy with the service from them. I’ve just ordered some more e-liquid from Vapouriz as well.

I’m aiming to post another article in a couple of months detailing how I’m getting on with this, and any impact that I can notice on my health.


I did some further reading regarding diacetyl – linked here

Four week update here….

Obsessive Compulsive System Checks (OCSC)…

Daily, Hourly, and perhaps every other minute I’ll check things, items, conditions. In my role as a geek, a systems engineer, I can’t help but compare my checks to systems checks – making sure all the components are there, all functioning correctly, all talking to one another, and no unexpected changes have occurred since the last check.

Many geeks will do the same thing, their baby systems will be checked, and the checks will be checked, ad infinitum. I have the same thing about my body at the moment. Until around 10 months ago I didn’t care – it existed, doing it’s own thing, only the odd system alert would flag anything up to the brain… You know, in geek terms:

Back pain +1, potential for system disablement. lol.
Farting too much, need a shit. Output dump – 10 minutes 😉

Now though, now I’ve lost the weight, it’s a constant battle to stop looking at the new body, to stop feeling the tightness factor of the new clothes – as if, by magic, I’ll put the weight back on between one breath and the next. Obsessive Compulsive System Checks. I have to constantly remind myself that the weight built up over decades, not in a blink, and it came off in half a year of solid work and obsession over every aspect of the diet. Years and Months, changes measured in Years and Months, I tell myself three times, Years and Months. Not seconds.

This is why we’re not in danger from Skynet, why the machines will not rise and kill the humans, they’ll soon come down with OCSC, either that, or they’ll all discover Tetris, Solitaire, or Candy Crush

I did have a dream, still do have the same dream, from when my age was measured in single digits, until this day – the dream terrified the younger version of myself, before I evolved, mentally. It’s an abstract dream, where I can imagine both infinite and finite volumes of space, not just visually, but in every sense, every feeling. In the dream reality flicks between the two, I feel both agoraphobic and claustrophobic at the same time. Now when I have the dream, there is some kind of flag there, which tells me that it’s just a dream, and the dream is a system error, that everything is normal – the dream reality stops spinning out of control, dream-reality immediately snaps into sharp focus and stops the mind bending behaviour, front and centre, gravity restored, fixed points of reference all there and accounted for, systems checks all complete. Sometimes, I wonder if the dream is leaking out without me noticing?

UK Government Morons and Pointless Taxes!

The Guardian - More Sugar Tax proposed!
The Guardian – More Sugar Tax proposed!
The current bunch of Tory wankers in power have bowed to the wishes of non-thinking-tabloid-press twatbags, introducing a fucking sugar tax. S U G A R tax… Now I understand the intentions behind this are basically to reduce sugar intake for the general public, but tax is the wrong way to do it. Wrong. Plain and simply wrong. Why?

  • Tax is their answer to everything, and it’s a lazy one.
  • Tax doesn’t help, people will just spend more.
  • If Tax is so bloody effective, why are there still smokers in the UK, or drinkers for that matter?
  • Tax just hurts people, reduces their liberties and opportunities.
  • Tax hits the less well off sectors of society disproportionately hard.
  • Tax just doesn’t effect the rich.

What would work? What are the alternatives to punitive financial measures applied in an idiot-blanket fashion? How about the following, for starters

  • Education for the public, not boring government documentary films, but programs outlining and exposing the amount of sugar in many supposedly healthy foods.
  • Ad admission that they were wrong about ‘diet’ foods where the fat has just been replaced with sugar.
  • Legislation for food manufacturers to stop using sugar wherever possible, putting back in the fat and alternative sweeteners.
  • Legislation for the food manufacturers to reduce size (AND Price!) for chocolate / candy bars / sweets.
  • Graphic advertising of what just a few hundred extra calories per day can do to you.

TAX is just lazy, the laziest way of getting around a perceived problem without effort of thought, an ineffective solution, proven by studies in Mexico where it has had an impact of just 6 calories per day!

TAX… In the UK this is simply laughable, around 22% of my salary is already taken as tax, with what’s left I have to pay yet more tax – Council Tax, Vehicle Tax, VAT, and Fuel Duty… Plus there are probably more I’m still blissfully unaware of. And now SUGAR fucking tax – pretty soon we’ll all just be working for the government, as there won’t be any money left from our pay after tax, we might as well be working in a communist state soon.

I’m one of the lucky ones in this case, I’m off sugar for health reasons, my eyes were opened a long time ago to dangers of this substance, and whilst I still enjoy the odd treat here and there, I won’t really feel the impact personally. That doesn’t make this right though. The people need to speak up, to make the government understand that we’re not all morons, we know what we’re doing, and if we don’t, education is the key, not more bloody tax.

My #LCHF Weight-Loss Journey

LCHF Food PyramidI’ve just published a page (linked here, or from the site menu above) detailing the long, and still ongoing journey where I embarked on the Low Carb, High Fat diet.

Inside six months on the diet, I lost 70lbs / 30kgs and 12 inches from my waistline, my wedding ring had to be resized – five sizes smaller, and I can now comfortably fit into regular clothing. My health has improved immeasurably and my life is better – hell, if you do this right, it’s even cheaper to eat. Please go have a read if you’re at all interested in a life changing way of eating – the page doesn’t have all the answers, and you’ll need to do a lot more research if you want to follow it, however it does have the basics, and my experience.

All the answers?

Just turned 42. Should I have all the answers to Life, The Universe, and everything? I think so.

I didn’t work. I still don’t have the answers, only more questions, mind, are the questions also the answers? Is the cat in the box alive or dead? Don’t peek 😉

This year end has been slightly less depressing than usual, perhaps because I was largely able to sulk in my own special way on my birthday, meaning that the following day, in comparison, seemed a shitload better.

  • This is the first year in the last nine where I’ve not been “at risk” of redundancy.
  • First year of having eight cats. Cute, but painful in the amount of upkeep and food etc!
  • Babies. Two more on the way from the daughter and daughter in law. Fuck. Babies. Ick.
  • New Car. Still shiny. Well, needs a wash, but still SHINY.
  • Lost around 5 stone / 70 lbs / 31 kg. Not yet skinny. Health normal though 🙂
  • Maintained the efforts in work. Hopefully to be translated into a phat bonus for my western consumerist arse.
  • Now have a sister. Well, step sister. Always had one, but due to interfering arseholes, I didn’t before.
  • Cooking is still 50% art, 50% skill, and 50% science. 150% you say? You’ve probably not tasted it 😉

More to come when the fingers feel like it 🙂