How to reset Service Warning for the Nissan Almera Tino.

TinoThis is a bit of a left-field oddball post when compared to the rest of this blog, but one which needs to be out there…

I found the instructions listed somewhere on the interwebs a while ago, but only just got around to trying ’em… and they actually worked 🙂 So, if you have a Nissan Almera Tino, and are annoyed by the full screen and persistent service warning, then enjoy! (Of course, you should always service your car, but not because a screen bullies you into it!)

  • Switch ignition ON, don’t start the engine.
  • Switch radio ON.
  • Start engine.
  • Switch radio OFF.
  • Press and hold INFO button.
  • Whilst pressing and holding the INFO button, turn volume control knob at least 30 clicks to the right, until self dianostic menu is displayed.
  • Release the info button.
  • Using the Joystick, select Confirmation/Adjustment.
  • Select Service, press ENTER.
  • Select Reset, press ENTER.
  • Press BACK button repeatedly until the main menu is displayed.
  • Switch ignition OFF.
  • Never be bothered by this annoyance again!

The UK still maintains security #Trident

TridentThe UK is staying a member of the Mutual assured destruction club.

Spabbit is pleased. Without this the nation faces an increasing army of nutters willing to take on nation-states, and has nothing to lob back over the fence. With Trident, they know, they’re fucked if they do. MAD isn’t so mad, when looked at from a distance. For once the public schoolboy (and girl) tossers have got something right.

Orrible ‘lil Baby #3 Family+1

IMG_4264I’ve been meaning to write this post for a couple of weeks, but stuff got in the way… Rum, being drink, curry, work, more rum, the FSM, and possibly #BRExit…

This is Theo John – aka Orrible ‘lil Baby #3 (Grandson), born on the 16th June, slightly premature.

Wonder what he’ll think of today, in 20 years time?

Anyhow, following on – this means a few things…

  1. Added onto the sentence of the first two, this means a double dose of baby-crap lying around – we already have two high-chairs!
  2. Triple grandma mode for my wife!
  3. Yet more wallet pain, I swear the next time I use a ATM, the thing is going to shout “Clear!”, and shock my card back to life.
  4. I’m old, OK, not that old, as the original childs were gained via marriage; still #antique!
  5. My sister going to be standing in loco parentis… I gather she screamed a little [sic] when being told of the news.
  6. Another child who I’m going to be teaching to cook properly, without the aid of pre-cooked crud in tins! (Points at his mother… “But I added something else!” – yers)…
  7. Me wondering if this is going to be the last one, and if I’m going to see any great-grandchildren in around 25 years from now, if my dicky-ticker is still ticking…

Another tweet to @BBCRadio2, which will be ignored. #atheist

Here’s yet another tweet from yours truly to @BBCRadio2, which they will ignore, as per usual.

bbcr2tw

The BBC, which is paid for by the British Public under the licence fee (Read: Thinly veiled tax), are intent on shoving the opinion of religious crazys at us pretty much constantly; further, to add insult aimed towards the thinking majority of the world – they don’t even acknowledge the criticism. #bastards

The religious constantly and consistently lack moral fibre, as witnessed throughout the ages, and more recently in the religiously motivated attacks on the free societies in which we all live in and value. When was the last time you heard of an Atheist killing people because they were gay, or otherwise ‘offensive’… Fucking arseholes, the lot of ’em… And don’t come at me with the ‘peace’ argument – If you had morals, and happened to belong to a club who raped, killed, and tortured people – you’d fucking leave… Even passively belonging to such a club would surely lead to world wide condemnation… Oh, wait, it’s a religion – well that’s OK then. LIKE FUCK.

Don’t know why I bother!

Never forget the basics of diagnostics.

Win10I fix a lot of computer problems, it’s a part of my daily life, my occupation, job etc… Sometimes it’s the really simple things which trip you up – it’s a problem in my profession where we tend to sometimes skip the really simple steps of problem solving and go straight for the solution, assuming (The mother of all fuckups) that the simple things are all OK.

IMG_1431
I fell into the trap this weekend, installing Win 10 on my main desktop machine… I know the machine is a beast of a bastard of a machine, and the build isn’t simple – for start it has five physical hard drives in the box, three DVD writers, two other USB3 drives attached, plus capacity for more when I’m performing system backups. The primary reason for the diverse storage is to eliminate bottle-necks – with everything having dedicated physical storage, even under very high workload, this thing doesn’t slow down. Anyhow, when upgrading the existing Win7 64bit Pro install to Win 10, I had the error “Something Happened. Sorry, we’re having trouble determining if your PC can run Windows 10. Please close Setup and try again.” Now, I did the usual simple fix, and turned it off and on again, with a more basic software config loaded, e.g. no VPN. No luck. This is where I dived off the deep end.

Welcome to the deep end. I Googled it. Probably a partition thing. OK. Storage management, and set the active partition to the OS Part, not the sys part, re-ran the setup, and got past that error – easy I think, so I set the system partition active again, continuing with the install.

IMG_1432No such luck, along came the next error, “Something happened. We can’t tell if your PC has enough space to continue installing Windows 10. Try restarting Setup”. Oh Noes! So… I KNOW the free space on my system, I’d just backed up and cleaned it out to make sure this process was smooth – there is enough physical space – after all, as part of the system design, there is a 500mb fast hard drive dedicated to the OS and apps, only about 60gb used in total.

To cut a long story a little short – I went though the system, even down to the BIOS to power off all internal storage, save for the OS drive… Even unplugged all other devices – in the end the only thing the installer could see was the OS drive, and still nothing. Insert Win7 Setup Disk – ran through the automatic fix it options, even hitting the BootRec command, and replacing boot-sector, mbr etc… No luck, still the same error.

Then it smacked me firmly in the face. Space – what is the free space dependent on – the file system. What if the file system is broken in some subtle way, not impacting any other process on the system – after all I’d had zero warnings from anything, even the drive mirroring program used to backup the system. Enter chkdsk. Chkdsk the saviour of everything. Simple first step fix which I’d skipped over due to the lack of file system warning messages.

Ran chkdsk /f, rebooted, let it do the job.

Rebooted. Upgrade through with no problems.

Check the simple things.
Check the simple things.
Check the simple things.

I tell you three times.

Live life.

Just answering a closed group thread on Facebook. Typed in the below. How to summarise a life.

22 Years ago I had nothing. I worked hard, first job in retail which gradually worked up to 70+ hours a week and a near miss with a break-down over 7 years. Second job (In I.T.), again for 7 years with a 40 hour week, however I worked 2 hours from home for 2 of those years. Third job (I.T. job) started in 2008, 35 hour week, pay has more than doubled in 9 years doing that job, and 3 times what I was on in 1994. I’m lucky with the jobs, however I know it could all vanish overnight. I have more insurance than you can shake a stick at, and won’t be going back to 1994.

As for how? Muddle though, save what you can, live as much as you can. Be drunk. Lots. Fall in love, get married. Dump false friends. Be loyal. Don’t be blind, know when to cut and run like a gazelle being hunted, and when to stick like a superglued barnacle. Make the choices, commit where you can. Go fucking ballistic, no regrets.

22 Hard fucking years, half my life, damn good luck with yours.

IKEA, a piss poor experience – no fucks given…

IKEAIKEA… It’s like Marmite, either love it or hate it, there is no middle of the road here – but either way IKEA is a necessary evil of the world, like Argos, and sometimes there’s no other way.

We’ve used IKEA (The Cardiff Store) many times over the years, and had varying degrees of service from the staff, but this latest visit has been the worst yet, and I sincerely hope that IKEA will not be a part of my future for as long as I can foresee. Normally when visiting IKEA, you can actually get away without interacting with the staff, completely if you use the self-service tills, but sometimes there is no avoiding the ordeal…

Counting the problems (Circles of Hell)…

First problem: Lack of staff – they’re like rocking-horse-shit, and when you do find one, they’re either in the wrong department, or some fucking idiot is taking up their time with pointless questions.

Second problem: When you do find an IKEA Peon, and they’re busy with an idiot asking idiot questions, there is no way they can call another peon over to save half hour of your life. No way at all, no fucks given.

Third problem: Some products, seemingly at random, don’t have an isle location, but have to be ordered via the IKEA Peons – no way to avoid them. Why?!

Fourth problem: They don’t give a fuck. That’s right, no fucks given in IKEA. How do I register for IKEA Family to get a discount – use that orange machine over there, no other help, no fucks given

Fifth problem: Orange machine is broken, not printing out… go find the peon, tell them, they reply “Go use another one”… Not the slightest sign of the peon moving to put a an “Out Of Order” sign on the machine, no fuck all. Roll on all the other poor bastards wasting their time. No fucks given.

Sixth problem: Broken discount system at the tills. Have to call a senior peon who can’t do anything, passing to yet another more senior peon – the senior peon takes an age to get the order processed.

Seventh problem (Read: “Gate of Hell”, but slightly less pleasant): After half hour waiting for my order to be picked, I’m still waiting.

Eighth problem (Read: “Wonder of IKEA-HELL”): After a half hour wait for the products to be picked, and a complaint to the senior-senior peon, they still can’t find my shit, the shit I’ve paid for, it’s mine, give it to me.

Ninth problem: (There are more circles of IKEA-HELL than any other hell): NO Offer of anything when complaining, no apology, no compensation for my wasted life-time they’d just used up being useless, NOTHING… IKEA: No Fucks Given.

… Just as a point, the above article details my own true-to-life experience, and my own opinions – don’t on any account be put off IKEA by the above review – google it for yourself 🙂

Let’s get fucked.

Rum!Let’s get fucked.

Fuck the pyramids, fuck all the other wonders of the world. “Let’s get fucked” has basically eclipsed all else of material value in the world, in history. In case you’re wondering… right now, I’m fucked… fucked up on Captain Morgan White Rum; and you know, this is fun – it’s short-term fun, after all the buzz will only last so long, and I’ll be unfucked, sober, sooner or later. But getting fucked up is repeatable, almost infinitely, well, whilst we’re not too old or otherwise-fucked.

I’m wondering what other higher purpose of Human-Kind there actually is… I mean, there is propagation of the species, love, honour, all that stuff – but after that, what is there? Getting fucked up, off yer face, out of it. That’s it, the pinnacle of human fucking achievement. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad thing, it’s just an acknowledgement of the state of affairs.

So let’s raise a glass / a spliff / fucking whatever, and let’s get fucked, and celebrate the pinnacle of human achievement. 🙂

Male child inc…

PeaWith reference to “All the Answers“, today was the daughter’s baby-scan day, the day we found out about the sex of the future human.  Male.  A sizeable wang, or so I’m told, for a tiny human.  At the moment, it’s still a non-sef-concious blob – babies don’t become self aware by accepted scientific standards until about birth + 18 months.  Meh.

Lost a bet with my wife (Who is now exhibiting “smug” at world-championship levels)… the tiny fucker now owes me £12 for a take-out (A bet, lost), for not being a girl!

The name chosen is “Theo John”.  At this point in time, I’m really glad my surname isn’t “Hooker” for those who remember William Shatner in blue 😉

And so, all hail the continuation of the race, all be it, a tiny continuation.