Category: #Deep Thought

The Dictionary According to Spabbit – Volume 2 – Fucking ruining the language!

Following on from “Spabbitisms… Expanding the language in all the wrong ways!”, Spabbit brings you The Dictionary According to Spabbit – Volume 2 – Fucking ruining the language!

  • Ferp – Fuckery Perpetrator, or Perpetrator of Fuckery – Oi! You ferp! Stop with the fuckery already!
  • Chindian – Fusion food between Chinese and Indian – went down my mates house last night, he cooked the best madras with an egg fried rice!
  • Jarmarize – To rapidly dump the clothes of the working day and change into pyjamas – Can’t wait to Jarmarize and settle in my binch-cave
  • Fuzzogee – When growing facial (or other hair), and the urge to shave overcomes the desire to grow said hair – “Fuck man! What happened to your face-fungus?”… “Fuzzogee :(“
  • Cuntstipated – A overdose of cunts, generally in the work place – I got cuntstipated in the office today and snapped, those cunts ain’t laughing now!
  • Ectosnot – When you have a cold / manflu / manbola / bitch-sniffles, blowing your honker and it looks like something Slimer would leave behind
  • Wank Womble – Useless cuntmuffin-wafflecake – Fucking Wank Womble can’t even wank without fucking it up!
  • Walk and wank technology – Generic phrase which can be applied to any technology which is now mobile as opposed to fixed, example cordless phones greatly enabled phone sex amongst yuppies, and gave teenagers more privacy starting in the early 1990s
  • Wakkamole – Another word for Guacamole – Sounds way cooler, and reminds people (of a certain age range) of their broken childhoods trying to hit pop up stuffed animals in fairs, therefore bringing on massive amounts of disappointment
  • Alcogee – The point in the sober drunk sober cycle after “Is this shit working”, exactly where everything is shiny funny numb, and before you inhale a kebab and either sober up, or throw up – Dude! I’ve reached Alcogee – I need to stay here for hours!

You Fucking What!? & The Colour of Fuckery

You Fucking What! WTF is this all about? Does Fuckery have a colour? In today’s bout of brain dump to keyboard, I’ll point at the insanity of the world at large in order to maybe answer back.

“You Fucking What!” is a phrase I seem to utter with an increasing rate of abandon as the world is plunging into an infinite sea of Fuckery. I imagine the Fuckery to be coloured purple with an orange edge (don’t ask me why), kinda like peeking through hippy lenses of the 60’s. What Fuckery? Oh that’s a question and a half! Hummm… fucking all of it, the straight line Fuckery munching away at the heart of Humanity.

Just open your mind a moment, raise the semi permanent blast shutters for a moment and reveal the abject horrors of times present:

“You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don’t ever count on having both at once.” — Robert A. Heinlein. His books, his world were based in a sexist little side universe where things were slightly more black and white than ours. He was correct, you can’t have them at the same time. We’re not free, none of us (and by Us I refer to my frames of reference of the so-called-news, and my own personal interactions). We’re all penned in, penned in by laws made by our civil masters, by debts we take on, monetary and others, locked into an ever decreasing circle of Fuckery where Humanity is heading straight down the shitter.

We have an out of control petulant public schoolboy about become the leader of the country (UK), a man with one of the worst haircuts in the world, and he’s 7 seconds from pushing buttons which will have a direct impact on everyone (Brexit sandwich anyone?). Not to mention the Americans with their deeply divided society, where Trump is as black and white as they come. Trump = Borris. Are they interchangeable? Yes, No, Maybe. You Fucking What! Getityet? Horrifying isn’t it? And that’s just the larger picture!

Focusing on the smaller, more intimate picture of life at the moment, we have peace (mostly), but do we have freedom, or the illusion of freedom? Is freedom = anarchy? No and No. Society is on the edge of something new, we’re falling into the abyss in slo-mo and nobody is aware of the fact. Do I care? Well…. the immediate thought is that I’ll be dead by then, and no, but I can’t help be interested in what’s going to happen (the Human Condition, bright enough to know what’s going on, too dumb to do fuck all about it).

We don’t have freedom, we’re limited by taxes, laws, and common conventions of society. Most of us have bought into the idea of following the rules, obeying the laws and paying the taxes – that same “most of us” seem to form up in unison and frown at the others outside of our little circle of nice. Mentally at least I have an attitude of rule-breaking where the rules are just silly. Am I freer than the average person? No, of course not – I like not being in jail too much, money is a nice to have, comfort is even nicer. We’re all exchanging our freedom for comfort – it’s that simple. Can we all afford our comforts, as a state, a nation, and a species? Fuck-knows.

Are we living in They Live? Do we all need those sunglasses?

7.3
They Live (1988) 1h 34min | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi | 23 June 1989 (UK)
Director: John CarpenterWriters: Ray Nelson, John CarpenterStars: Roddy Piper, Keith David, Meg Foster
Summary: A drifter discovers a pair of sunglasses that allow him to wake up to the fact that aliens have taken over the Earth.
Countries: USALanguages: English
Source: imdb.comDisclaimer: This plugin has been coded to automatically quote data from imdb.com. Not available for any other purpose. All showing data have a link to imdb.com. The user is responsible for any other use or change codes.

You Fucking What!?

@Spabbit Blog on the #BRExit result

imageI was scrolling through the blog, and came across the below article from 2016… I think that now, here years later, it has even more meaning. Blip in the timeline, or chaos on a stick with ketchup? We’ll be finding out soon – watch this country shaped space 😉

Today, the UK has voted to leave the EU, the UK Prime Minister, David Cameron (A public-schoolboy upper society product who’s never lived in real-life) has resigned.

There is a lot of chatter about this – a lot of it is bollocks and made up stats – we in the UK need to wait for the dust to settle before jumping to any conclusions.

Here is some proportion / perspective – The EU has only existed since 1956, we’ve only been in it since 1975… The U.K. began in 1284, was formalised in 1536 between England and Wales, with Scotland joining in 1707, and Northern Ireland in 1921.

You really think it’s all down hill from here? History points the other way, and you can’t ignore hundreds of years of historical trends for less than half a century – is this merely a blip in the larger time line?

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Random and Old, or Old and Random?

We’re all getting older, right? (I’m talking about the standard humans here, not some mystical beings)

We’re all getting more random, right? (All of us, or just some randoms?)

Was I born at the wrong time, or was the wrong time when I was born? 🙂

At this point, you’re probably thinking ‘bullshit’, and you’d be right in some reality. Your bullshit detector would be right on the money. Except, it’s all true.

I’ve noticed, most recently and with an accelerating pace, that I’m getting more random, and older. As the premise of this article goes, I’m just not sure what’s coming first, or it’s just a coincidence that they just happen to be occurring at the same time. So let’s explore some of the random.

Music is like a canary in this instance, for me. When I was younger there was a distinct divide between old and new music, between classical, and pop. I’ve recently learned a new phrase “Low-Fi Soul” – to have a musical (or other) taste which is older than you are. I’m going lower by the day – my tastes are rapidly evolving to appreciate music either from, or in the styles of the 50s/60s – 10 to 20 years before I was even conceived. I think it’s driving my wife nuts, but that’s nothing new. It’s costing me a fortune, and I’m wondering where, or when (sic) it’ll stop. “Marriage is finding that special person to annoy for the rest of your life”…

Talking of the the music, here are a few fantastic examples of modern artists turning back the clock with modern fidelity. Hi-Fi, Lo-Fi hits :). I fucking love these…

And here are some random thoughts which have occurred, sometimes whilst sober (shocking, right?)

  • If, when you were 18, you had a detailed and accurate window into a moment in your 40’s (Assuming you’ve made it that far), would you self-terminate, or carry on regardless, not knowing the pain you’d go through between the two points?
  • Do you consider life is a shitpile, or it just is?
  • As you get older, does the world get smaller, or do you just see more of the picture.
  • Does seeing more of the picture mean you care less about the details and the missed brush strokes?
  • It’s all so fucking zen.
  • Why are you always calm in other people’s emergencies, but seldom in your own?
  • Are old people just grumpy, or have they simply used up their quota of fucks – Here, behold the field where I grow my fucks, you’ll note it is barren.
  • “It’s only money”.
  • Can’t decide if men or women are more cunty? Yup.
  • Everyday is actually a fucking school day. When it stops, are you dying, or simply learning about death, in depth?
  • When you know everything you need, it’s usually too late.
  • Ignorance is a rogue.
  • All problems can be resolved (or covered up) with enough money, more so as time progresses – what has humanity become?
  • Risk and memories are flip sides of the same coin, one cannot exist without the other. Courage and fear. Evil and no-so-evil.
  • Life: A kind of trick.
  • Talking of Evil. It’s the small bits of evil which are the most satisfying. Try little evil today, it’ll make you smile.
  • Drink wine.

Rantlets – Road Rage, Speed Cameras, Speed Bumps

Rantlets – don’t you just love a good rant? Well, here are some mini rants – Agree or not, at least have a laugh, you twisted little bugger.

Just as a strict disclaimer… If you’re offended by this, assuredly none of the below (Or anything on this site) is targeted at you as an individual. Nothing here is anything-phobic, or rasist, or anything baring a good rant and dark-sardonic humour. If you don’t like industrial level swearing which would make satan bush, then scroll on by and don’t whine that you weren’t warned. If you’re offended, scroll on by and enjoy your life. If you laughed at this article – I like you 🙂

Continue reading Rantlets – Road Rage, Speed Cameras, Speed Bumps

Reasons why I’m not a c*nt

Reasons why I’m not a c*nt.

This is going to be a short article.

Erm… maybe.

Yeeeee nah, I’m a c*nt really.

Click the link below. You’d better like swearing though. There’s a fuckton of swearing, and for the less educated amongst you, that’s like 1000 shittons. So if you don’t like professional industrial level swearing which would put a roughneck to shame, or if you’re a snowflake, then scroll on by and have a nice life, otherwise read on.

Continue reading Reasons why I’m not a c*nt

A deep dive of the killer-chicken spabbit-hole

Today I stumbled upon summarized trash-science piece headlined “Eating fried chicken every day could mean you die earlier, according to a new study”.

Oh dear.

A internal conversation was immediately kicked off in my mind, it went something like this:

  • Voice 1:
      Oh shit, I’ve eaten a LOT of fried chicken!
  • Voice 2:
      It was delicious.
  • Voice 1:
      But if you carry on, you’ll die.
  • Voice 2:
      I welcome the prospect of death by fried chicken.
  • Voice 2:
      I want KFC, now.
  • Voice 1:
      Well you can’t – it’s not even 7 in the morning.
  • Voice 2:
      Fuck.
  • Voice 1:
      Meh.
  • Voice 2:
      *silently plots to have a KFC later*

You think that’s bad? I have to put up with that 24/7 – and sometimes, I don’t even know what those inner voices are plotting. Fuckers.

Oh, and don’t even think of Googling “Killer Chicken”, apparently in some-place somewhere it’s a thing:

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Ageing Kinkster Problems

BDSM SymbolIt’s well known that as a society, we’re becoming more sexually progressive – more and more those people traditionally into their vanilla sex lives are looking to add some spice by trying BDSM, in-fact, it’s almost mainstream these days! Now, my (slightly) twisted mind takes that idea, and thinks immediately (as anyone would, right?) of the population hitting old age, and what happens to the kinksters when the senior years hit home!

Perhaps you can think of some more lines to add to the list!

Sooo… BDSM & Signs of getting older:

  • Using leather bondage cuffs for wrist supports
  • Wishing you had a rack in your play space – for health reasons
  • Missing your leather collar because your neck gets too cold
  • You don’t mind the beating, but you’d like something padded to kneel on
  • Ball-gags have to be soft as otherwise your dentures might be damaged
  • You can’t be locked up all night, as you need 4 toilet breaks!
  • You need a full quilt in the cage, not just a blanket
  • A Zimmer frame is also doubles as a bondage frame
  • You want to be chained to the bed, as it’ll help you catch up on sleep
  • Viagra is required for a function check
  • Your session music comes from the 60’s
  • Your mistress has to wear flats as she can’t do heels any more
  • You’re running out of hair for your top to pull
  • You get more strokes of the cane because your top forgot to install fresh hearing aid batteries
  • Electro-play helps give you that essential boost for the day
  • A trampling helps with your back pain rather than excite anything
  • You need glasses on to find the handcuffs keyholes
  • The doors must be locked otherwise the grand-kids might discover you’re not as innocent as they think
  • Vibrators need to be industrial strength
  • Nipple clamps don’t work any more due to excess skin
  • A butt-plug means you don’t have to worry for a while
  • You don’t mind being handcuffed and chained, so long as the chains are warmed up first
  • Cable-Ties are more for DIY than Bondage

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When the fuck did I become an old man?

Recently something smacked me in the face so hard as to knock me into next week. Yup that’s right… fucking time travel, motherfuckers. Only this isn’t the nice kind of time travel where Doc Brown and a mongrel of questionable origin is awaiting you with a nice warm amplifier. This is the kind of time travel which makes reality movies about the collapse of civilisation look like a fucking cartoon. This is getting old(er)…

So, as I was saying about the knocking and next week. It’s next week, and I’m old.

  • Things are too loud
      Yes, this is even though I wake up deaf with bad sinuses every morning.
  • Bright lights are too bright. Someone turn off the fucking sun – vampire? Maybe.
  • Alcohol sometimes works too well… Upside is a cheap date, or more then likely ‘night in’, as it hurts to go out…
  • All I want is for a nice quiet, dim, and peaceful pub to crawl into.
  • Oh, look… I blinked and it’s next fucking year.
  • My body has now altered it’s default setting to ‘ache like a bitch’ (Sorry if this offends all you bitches – not really.)
  • Music. I’m beginning to think of classical orchestral music as ‘super classic’ and 80s rock’n’pop as classical.
  • Clubs. What the fuck are clubs apart from dark, noisy, and hostile environments where the young get off their faces?
  • When the fuck did women start dressing in a pair of tights and some cling film to go out on the town – come on women – leave something to the imagination – I don’t wanna see your thinly veiled minge, even when drunk off half a pint of lager at four in the afternoon. Go put some fucking clothes on.
  • I realised my parents were fucking retards, nasty fucking dribbling retards with as much as an idea of reality as the most retarded of my cats – you know, the one which licks anyfuckingthing.
  • It doesn’t require alcohol to wake up (Yet again?) with a hangover.
  • People in their 30’s are referred to as kids.
  • I’ve forgotten twice as much as I currently know.

So getting older. In my imagination I can see a bold figure clawing away at the walls of life itself, whilst being dragged kicking and screaming into the eternal darkness, all the time screaming like something more wild than wild. Reality: Everything fucking hurts.

You know the worst part? I’m not evening fucking 45 yet, and I might have the best part of another 40 years doing this shite. Still, I’m a cheap date now, and by the time I’m much older I’ll be able to get off on a whiff of perfume 😉

Oh, and you people in your 20’s and 30’s reading this – you’ll all think that this will never be you. HaHa!