Category: All-Posts

The Dictionary According to Spabbit – Volume 2 – Fucking ruining the language!

Following on from “Spabbitisms… Expanding the language in all the wrong ways!”, Spabbit brings you The Dictionary According to Spabbit – Volume 2 – Fucking ruining the language!

  • Ferp – Fuckery Perpetrator, or Perpetrator of Fuckery – Oi! You ferp! Stop with the fuckery already!
  • Chindian – Fusion food between Chinese and Indian – went down my mates house last night, he cooked the best madras with an egg fried rice!
  • Jarmarize – To rapidly dump the clothes of the working day and change into pyjamas – Can’t wait to Jarmarize and settle in my binch-cave
  • Fuzzogee – When growing facial (or other hair), and the urge to shave overcomes the desire to grow said hair – “Fuck man! What happened to your face-fungus?”… “Fuzzogee :(“
  • Cuntstipated – A overdose of cunts, generally in the work place – I got cuntstipated in the office today and snapped, those cunts ain’t laughing now!
  • Ectosnot – When you have a cold / manflu / manbola / bitch-sniffles, blowing your honker and it looks like something Slimer would leave behind
  • Wank Womble – Useless cuntmuffin-wafflecake – Fucking Wank Womble can’t even wank without fucking it up!
  • Walk and wank technology – Generic phrase which can be applied to any technology which is now mobile as opposed to fixed, example cordless phones greatly enabled phone sex amongst yuppies, and gave teenagers more privacy starting in the early 1990s
  • Wakkamole – Another word for Guacamole – Sounds way cooler, and reminds people (of a certain age range) of their broken childhoods trying to hit pop up stuffed animals in fairs, therefore bringing on massive amounts of disappointment
  • Alcogee – The point in the sober drunk sober cycle after “Is this shit working”, exactly where everything is shiny funny numb, and before you inhale a kebab and either sober up, or throw up – Dude! I’ve reached Alcogee – I need to stay here for hours!

Rum + Cream + Stuff = Awesome!

I was experimenting in the kitchen with the aim of making a Baileys substitute, as it’s well known that Baileys contains LOTS of sugar… And I’m a rum drinker, not whisky (But I dare to say this would work with whisky) 🙂

This recipe made me just over a litre, the only sugars came from the Evaporated Milk (44g), and a tiny bit in the Vanilla – a tiny amount compared to Baileys, which according to the Interwebs is around 25% sugar.

So… Get the following ingredients together:

  • Evaporated Milk (400g tin)
  • Double (Heavy for the Americans) Cream – 600ml
  • Rum – (I used Mount Gay) – Fill half the Evaporated Milk can.
  • 2 teaspoons Vanilla Extract
  • 1 – 2 tablespoons Stevia (You could probably use Splenda in a pinch)
  • 1 heaped teaspoon of Instant Coffee granules
  • 1/2 a flat teaspoon of Coco Powder

Right, now for the method:

  • In a small bowl, place the Coffee, Vanilla Extract, Coco Powder, and Stevia, stir in just enough (perhaps 15-20ml – NOT a lot!) boiling water to dissolve all ingredients in the bowl
  • Pour the Rum, Cream, and Evaporated Milk, plus the first mixture into a blender
  • Blend. Carefully and slowly, perhaps on pulse mode. Don’t blend aggressively otherwise it’ll be nasty
  • Try to put in a container in the fridge to cool. If this fails, pour directly into a glass with ice and consume 😉

I think the next time I make this, I’ll be using thicker cream, and more rum. This is a great drink, but could possibly be even better!

How to 7Zip up a bunch of folders into individual .7z files.

Ever needed to zip up a bunch of folders into individual filenames? Not found it easy in the GUI? This is the solution.

Install 7Zip if it hasn’t been installed already (You can download it here.)

Click for a full size illustration of adding 7Zip to the path
Add 7Zip into your path.

  • Hit Windows Key + I on your keyboard”
  • Search for “environment”
  • Select “Edit the system environment variables”
  • Select “Environment Variables”
  • Select “Path”…
  • Hit “Edit”
  • Hit “New”, and type in c:\Program Files\7-Zip
  • “OK” all the way out

Save the code below into a batch file, e.g. ZipMe.bat. Move the batch file to somewhere in your path

@echo off
for /d %%i in (*) do (
echo processing "%%i"
7z a -mmt12 -mx6 -pSecretPassword -mhe -r "%%i.7z" "%%i"
echo ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
)

Open a CMD prompt, change folder to the level where all the folders you want to zip are present, e.g. if you had a bunch of photo shoots present in your d:\Photo_Shoots folder, and wanted them in individual zip files (You’d saved the batch file as d:\Zipme.bat):

d:
cd \PhotoShoots
\ZipMe.bat

An explanation of the batch file

  • for /d %%i in (*) do (stuff happens here)
    • With the For command, everything inbetween the brackets (stuff happens here) is executed for every directory /d in the mask (*)
      So for example, you only wanted it to apply to directories containing the word cat it would be (*cat*) or directories starting with the letter a (a*)
  • The echo command just prints whatever is after it to the window
    • The echo command is quite dumb. If you wanted to print Cat to the window (Technically this is known as the console) it would be echo Cat. To include a variable %%i in this example, it’s just the variable name %%i
  • 7z a -mmt12 -mx6 -pSecretPassword -mhe -r “%%i.7z” “%%i”
    • This is the 7Zip commandline, the payload which does the work:

      7z is the program doing the work

      a is for add, so in the example, you’re adding to a file

      -mmt12 is the number of processor cores to use, 12 in this example

      -mx6 tells 7Zip to use almost maximum compression – see the 7Zip manual for more details

      -pSecretPassword password protects the archive with SecretPassword

      -mhe makes 7Zip encrypt the filenames inside the archive

      -r is recursive – it will go into the sub folders and include them in the zip

      “%%i.7z” is the filename to add to, it’s enclosed in double quotes to ensure that it gets passed to 7Zip as a whole filename, otherwise filenames with spaces wouldn’t work

      “%%i” is the directory to zip up, again in double quotes as it may contain spaces

Spabbitisms… Expanding the language in all the wrong ways!

Following on from the “Bit of a shitty post“, here are some of the more used Spabbitisms, those made-up words (Aren’t they all?)

  • The Snottening – this is what happens when you wake up with a cold, and snot flows from every unplugged hole in your head. “Oh fuck! I just had the snottening!”. Fucking manbola!
  • Squbes – Food substance – small 1cm by 1cm cubes of potatoes, coated in herbs and sugar, deep fried. Delicious!
  • Libarder – In a residential setting, where the house is only so big, there is only one room available to be both your Library and Larder… Libarder. Always good to have a reading room where there is a cold beer in the fridge 🙂
  • Snirty – Dirty & Stinking – Look at that lout, doesn’t seem to have washed in a week!
  • Binch – For when the insults Bitch and Bint fail individually, and both are required. Binch – A binty-bitch. Also Fucking binch, Binchbag… you can guess the rest…
  • Snart – When you sneeze and a fart is forced out as a result – often stings in the anal area. Always check for afterburner marks when this hits. Also applies to Cart – a fart forced as result of a strong cough – has been known to make people cry 😉
  • Mouse-Miles – When looking on Google (or other) Maps, and the distance seems to be a few miles, but when you get there in reality it’s only a few hundred yards Mouse-Miles.
  • Sea-maggots – Prawns or Shrimps – they look like curled up maggots and are equally nasty!
  • Holinobs – A more cheerful word for Holidays, and a mutation of the better known Holibobs – I’m going on Holinobs tomorrow!

Useless public servant!

“A list of rules has been sent to Jacob Rees-Mogg’s staff asking them to stop using words such as “hopefully” and demanding that they use only imperial measurements and give all non-titled males the suffix Esq.”

Many thanks to the Guardian for raising the issue that this overpaid (supposedly) public SERVANT is wasting tax payers money by being bloody USELESS. Another example of the public servants turning into civil masters. I know this is an example low down on the scale to say the least, however it is a particularly irksome one.

Spabbit comment on this one: STOP trying to police something which doesn’t need policing. Get on with your job. Leave your staff alone to do their jobs and make the country a little bit better.

Seriously… who on this planet gives a flying one if they use “is” too much (Or whatever other bullshit rules he imposed)? Surely the staff have more important things to do? What kind of leader or manager does this make – a piss poor one in my opinion. Again, my opinion only – if these rabid controlling impulses can’t be curtailed he should immediately be fired for wasting public time & money. Remember Public – you’re paying for such acts of blatant stupidity!

I ask a simple question: Would this behaviour be tolerated in a regular workplace? No, of course not – people have more important things to do!

I’ve resisted swearing so far, but the whole thing can be summed up as a pile of fucking wank.