BMW Mini: Just don’t.


Just fucking don't. These cars are a massive mistake which shouldn't be repeated. Yes this is a rant. Yes, I'm bitter.

I've just exited, stage-Vauxhall, from a toxic 2.5 year relationship with a 2012 Mini Countryman Cooper-S. Don't get me wrong, it was a sexy minx of a turbo-charged car, great looks, fantastic performance when not driving like a pussy... but as with most sexy minx profiled objects in life, it came with a giant slice of super-expensive-psycho-pie.

I have had friends attest to the reliability of BMW based cars, but for me, fucking never again. Beautiful to drive, but will surely turn around and stab you in the heart, just because. So fucking expensive to maintain, and things will go wrong... high pressure fuel pump, coils, temperature sensors, door seals, sils, head-gasket... you fucking name it, that car fucked me with it. Great looking cars too... most of them are an 8+... but seriously, unless you have reached the socio-economic status where you have a large collection of fucks which you deal out with abandon, just don't. … Continue Reading

Bald is the way – do it today!


Middle aged (or any age?) man? Yes? - Beard? Yes? - Fucking be done with it, shave it off and enjoy!

Yes, the Spabbit is now sporting the cue-ball look on top. For me, it came to the point where there was no resistance to the comb when sorting out my hair in mornings, or any other times to be fair. Going back 20 years ago I had biker-hair down to the crack of me arse, coupled with a certain physical condition meant that I was sometimes yelled at by the inebriated in the very complimentary way of "Oi! Meatloaf!". I think those times, and that hair-style may have meant that my fore-head rose to a 12-head, and at the front, in the glare of the naked sun, I may have blinded passing aircraft or at least confused the odd starling. … Continue Reading

Rant: The Spabbit is back & The state of 2021

Disclaimer: This article is largely ranty. If you don't wanna read the rant, off you fuck to a boring corner of the interwebs.

COVID, decline in mental health, and having a bloody busy life has slowed down (read: glacial level) the pace of the Spabbit posts... win some, lose some, the Spabbit is still here, spabbiting up the interwebs. Now for some rants, one of the main topics of this site.

Fucking COVID. Where do you start? Well for one, fuck COVID. Number Two: When all this COVID shite started, we had real problems in the UK, you know - people dying and shit - nobody knew shit about getting over it, nobody knew shit about managing the virus, it was all stay the fuck home, don't touch anything, don't go anywhere, don't fucking breathe. Then we got better at this shit - it's airborne, so we can all touch stuff again, so masks, so silly rules made up by politicians.… Continue Reading

Ageing Kinkster Problems

BDSM SymbolIt’s well known that as a society, we’re becoming more sexually progressive – more and more those people traditionally into their vanilla sex lives are looking to add some spice by trying BDSM, in-fact, it’s almost mainstream these days! Now, my (slightly) twisted mind takes that idea, and thinks immediately (as anyone would, right?)…

Spabbit’s 20 Minute Kip Masala Boom Boom

This curry is a cheat. It's quick, dirty and completely gorgeous, it's in the rough neighbourhood of a tikka-masala taste wise, but with a hell of a lot more kick - thick and creamy in texture but with lots of sauce it should easily see you through a cold winter day or two! If you've got everything to hand in your kitchen, this can be raw to done in around 20 minutes, with perhaps another 10/15 for thickening up the sauce a little more to your liking.

Spabbit’s Samosa-Noods

"WTF?" I hear you say! Yes, this is a straight-outta-spabbit insane recipe - who in their right mind would even imagine cooking noods in a samosa filling?! Spabbit loves Fusion Foods, and this one attempt, love or loathe, these noods taste fantastic :) [I'm thinking at this point, this recipe counts as Fusion-Junk-Food!] … Continue Reading

#Redwheel

Again for you [three] weirdos out there who don't have the current generation's unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as Reddit and YouTube. Well #Redwheel covers both of those bases. Work in Retail? Escaped Retail? Been Mistaken for working somewhere? Dislike entitled wankers? This channel is for you.

Go subscribe to his channel if you haven't already!

[Many thanks to an anonymous colleague who pointed me towards this channel! :)]

Uncle Roger always knows best!

For those of you [like you three wierdos] who don't browse YouTube every day until your eyes bleed, you may not have stumbled across Nigel NG, aka Uncle Roger. This guy is amazing, and has recently produced a video taking Jamie Oliver to bits with his so-called-fried-rice - the results are hilarious. As a reasonable chef myself, I agree with everything Uncle Roger says! #MSGMASSIVE

Go subscribe to his channel if you haven't already!

Nigel NG also has a podcast called Rice to Meet You!

Spabbit’s curated memes.

Welcome to the greatest meme-show ever… well at this point in time. This 42-meme-strength collection will take you roughshod through the valley of memes, you will experience sorrow, revulsion, and if you’re my kind of people – deeply wrong laughter 🙂 May your nightmares commence… here they are: 42 epic memes 🙂

Spabbit’s Chilli Con Carne

This Chilli Con is a recipe which I have refined over the years, some of the ingredients have been swapped around due to availability over time - this is the latest iteration of the recipe. Whilst there are a few ingredients which aren't found that often in every kitchen, most of them should be available either online or in your local deli. The measurements are all approximate, the recipe will get you in the target zone, but as with all good recipes it's up to the chef to fine-tine to their own preferences. I hope you enjoy! … Continue Reading

Big shout out to Chin and Choo, from Ziangs Oriental Food Workshop

Here's a massive shout-out to Chin and Choo from Ziangs Oriental Food Workshop! I've been following Chin and Ziangs Oriental Food Workshop on YouTube for an age now, Chin is a very experienced Chef who passes on his and his mother's, Choo's recipes and tips from many years of running oriental takeaways. I've learnt an incredible amount from watching the main channel Ziang's Food Workshop, and highly recommend it to anyone who is thinking of cooking oriental food, as Chin covers everything from the basics to the masterpieces… Continue Reading