IKEA… It’s like Marmite, either love it or hate it, there is no middle of the road here – but either way IKEA is a necessary evil of the world, like Argos, and sometimes there’s no other way.

We’ve used IKEA (The Cardiff Store) many times over the years, and had varying degrees of service from the staff, but this latest visit has been the worst yet, and I sincerely hope that IKEA will not be a part of my future for as long as I can foresee. Normally when visiting IKEA, you can actually get away without interacting with the staff, completely if you use the self-service tills, but sometimes there is no avoiding the ordeal…

Counting the problems (Circles of Hell)…

First problem: Lack of staff – they’re like rocking-horse-shit, and when you do find one, they’re either in the wrong department, or some fucking idiot is taking up their time with pointless questions.

Second problem: When you do find an IKEA Peon, and they’re busy with an idiot asking idiot questions, there is no way they can call another peon over to save half hour of your life. No way at all, no fucks given.

Third problem: Some products, seemingly at random, don’t have an isle location, but have to be ordered via the IKEA Peons – no way to avoid them. Why?!

Fourth problem: They don’t give a fuck. That’s right, no fucks given in IKEA. How do I register for IKEA Family to get a discount – use that orange machine over there, no other help, no fucks given

Fifth problem: Orange machine is broken, not printing out… go find the peon, tell them, they reply “Go use another one”… Not the slightest sign of the peon moving to put a an “Out Of Order” sign on the machine, no fuck all. Roll on all the other poor bastards wasting their time. No fucks given.

Sixth problem: Broken discount system at the tills. Have to call a senior peon who can’t do anything, passing to yet another more senior peon – the senior peon takes an age to get the order processed.

Seventh problem (Read: “Gate of Hell”, but slightly less pleasant): After half hour waiting for my order to be picked, I’m still waiting.

Eighth problem (Read: “Wonder of IKEA-HELL”): After a half hour wait for the products to be picked, and a complaint to the senior-senior peon, they still can’t find my shit, the shit I’ve paid for, it’s mine, give it to me.

Ninth problem: (There are more circles of IKEA-HELL than any other hell): NO Offer of anything when complaining, no apology, no compensation for my wasted life-time they’d just used up being useless, NOTHING… IKEA: No Fucks Given.

… Just as a point, the above article details my own true-to-life experience, and my own opinions – don’t on any account be put off IKEA by the above review – google it for yourself 🙂