During those odd hours, lunchtimes specifically, the mind tends to wander into areas we would all rather brush under the proverbial carpet… One of the areas for not wandering into is, of course, porn – this then raised the question “What’s the opposite of porn?” – the opposite game is always awesome – such as the opposite of cheese is obviously mice 🙂

None of the answers people could come up with, and I’ve asked a lot of people over the last few years, were anything near valid, so I asked ChatBot GPT – and for shits’n’giggles also told it to write the Opposite of Porn in the style of the great Douglas Adams… I think it’s brilliant, a machine language model not possibly having an appreciation or other such views on Porn (or the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy – DON’T PANIC!) being able to output such! Enjoy 🙂

Ah, a twist of Douglas Adams! A task as challenging as teaching poetry to a Vogon, but here goes:

The opposite of pornography, you ask? Well, it’s much like asking for the antonym of a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster: it could be anything from a cup of warm milk to a sincere apology.

In the grand and often bewildering scope of the Universe, pornography, much like a Babel Fish, has a purpose and effect that are hard to dispute. Now, its contrary, let’s ponder.

If we’re talking medium, then the opposite could be something like the television series ‘Vl’Hurg’s Guide to Intergalactic Knitting.’ This dramatic and often suspenseful series follows our hero, Vl’Hurg, as he faces the greatest challenge any being can endure: knitting with six arms. Yes, it’s a family-friendly show with no explicit content whatsoever, unless you count the scandalous “purl three, knit one” debacle of season two.

In terms of content, consider an educational series about the importance of knowing where your towel is, without any sultry implications, but quite useful when a sudden interstellar hitchhiking opportunity arises.

As for intent, if pornography is designed to elicit, er, heightened physical responses, then the opposite would be something that generates complete indifference, say, a Vogon poetry recital. Remember, “Vogon poetry is the third worst in the Universe.”

The societal context is rather interesting too. If we consider the social implications, we may end up with something promoting an extreme form of prudence, like ‘Miss Pross’ Etiquette and Propriety Lessons for Aspiring Interstellar Aristocrats.’

And finally, representation. If pornography, often accused of objectifying individuals, were a Zaphod Beeblebrox, carelessly using others for personal gain, its opposite would be more like an Arthur Dent, representing everyday beings trying to navigate a universe that often seems indifferent to their plight.

So, to conclude, the opposite of pornography could be anything from an extraterrestrial knitting show to an interstellar etiquette course, from a Vogon poetry slam to Arthur Dent’s typical Tuesday. All of these lacking the explicitness of adult content, but each equally capable of making you question your life choices.