Fair play – This one sucks arse, it’s the ultimate low-brow, knuckle-dragging version of supposedly showing respect for achievement. Take your language beyond the secondary school play ground level!

Nom – Any adult using this word (and any other fucking baby-talk) outside of cooing to a baby needs to be fucking shot. Eating noises are beyond redemption, and using a word to mean such? YouFuckingWhat!

Lost – Death is a part of life, we’ll all get there. You didn’t lose anyone because they died – they died! Stop softening death, live up to reality. Yes, people I’ve known have died – they fucking died, I’m not going to find them hiding behind the fridge! Can you imagine a police family liaison officer saying to someone, “you’ve lost xxxxx”? Fucking no, there’s a reason they have to say died / dead!

OMG – Seriously, perpetuating who’s sky-fairy has done the worst / best thing… FuckMeBackwards – this is a phrase picked up by the youngest in society. It’s the gateway… First it’s OMG, then a jolly fat man with ‘presents’, then child abuse. Deep-Six this abomination of a phrase and stop allowing people to blame/thank a sky-fairy for everything!

Oh my days / life – LEARN TO SWEAR FUCKING PROPERLY, Fuckweasel. I don’t trust people who can’t / won’t swear, they’re worse than priests!

Poo – YouFuckingWHAT! It’s Shit, plain and simple Shit, we’re all half full of it. Fucking Poo!!!! You wanna sound like an infant for the rest of your life!? Medical terms are allowed, but not fucking poo, poop… Seriously learn the different types of shit! If you wanna be ‘polite’, it’s a number fucking two!

Excuse – This is a special bug-bear of mine. There’s no such thing as an excuse – this is a term often used by people given the minimum level of authority over others – it’s a term used to degrade the REASON something has happened. It’s a term to make people feel like shit. Think before you use this abusive word, and don’t.

You didn’t think – Another term of absolute disrespect. Have you said this to someone, someone who is already feeling bad about something they did, something they did where consequences weren’t considered. SHIT HAPPENS, don’t push a person into a dark place using this piece of shit phrase! Stop abusing your fellow humans!

Whatever – Such an innocent word, used correctly it’s OK… Mainly used as a dismissive – If you have to use this dismissively, you’ve failed at conversation.

Hack – Everyone after Millennials – STOP using HACK immediately. Using a zip-lock bag for a marinade is not a fucking HACK! Defrosting a car with a warm object is not a fucking HACK! You’re not breaking into a computer system, you’re not hacking away at the corpse of your victim – you’re using the tools at your disposal in perhaps a secondary manner, you’re not fucking hacking anything!

Grub – Ick. People use this a reference to food – have you even considered what this is?! Fuckweasel, stop using it, try “food, dinner, lunch, meal, munch, hell – even scran”!